Jan. 2nd, 2022 12:54 am

clair

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Preface: This is an AU. This story is not limited to what is currently canon in the game.

---
His voice filled with gratitude suddenly resonated on the rooftop.

“Thank you, Tori-kun…”

I looked over with a comeback prepared to jokingly jab at him for ruining the air, immediately pulling back when I saw how focused he was on the setting sun. I never realized how captivating the mellow lavender and the bright orange together were.

It wasn’t easy to reach this level of familiarity with him. A year ago, all we did was argue whenever we happened to be together. It wasn’t of pure coincidence, however. Our well-off families had set these gatherings that were obviously not the place for us kids. It was like fate forced us to keep seeing each other, compelling us to sort our differences.

Funnily enough, we figured out we almost never had similarities. I guess that’s what made our interactions special, but also irritating—like a double-edged sword. We only had each other in this world full of adults. Realizing that, we reconciled.

“I feel like a hypocrite. I still cannot believe I’m allowed to perform at the same stage as you, even with my former aversion towards idols. Was this all an attempt to escape, perhaps?”

We both found solace in idols and as idols. Growing up, we were accustomed to seeking everyone's approval in everything that we do as heirs of our clans. While I did not care for that, he tried his best to be accepted… the primary reason for our childish rivalry.

The sun continues to be drowned by the horizon. I slowly approached his area, standing next to him. I tried reaching the top of his head to fix his hair that has been continuously messed with by the wind. Noticing that I’m failing to do so, he leaned down making the job easier.

“We’ve grown up, huh? I clearly remember when I was taller than you… what happened to that?”

Failing to find the right words, I ended up clinging to nostalgia. I’ve always found how adorable he fixes his hair as a kid, parting it dead middle, which I unconsciously tried to replicate. I tilted back to observe my still masterpiece.

He looked like he aged three years back. I tried my hardest not to laugh at that thought, but giggles echoed out of me. It didn’t seem to bother him, though.

I’m aware of how much he hated me back then seeing that I didn’t act like him as a young master. It never really made sense to me until I realized we had the same goal, really: to prove everyone who never believed in us wrong and to be idols who anyone could be proud of.

I learned to like him because of that. We promised to do it together.

“I’m grateful. You made me realize that there’s way more outside of being limited… being bound by people who abandoned their own feelings for the acceptance of others.”

“That wasn’t all me though, right? You made decisions for yourself and acted upon them. You stood your ground. You also fought for what you thought was right like I did. Now we’re both here, side by side.”

He seemed to have snapped back to reality as he fixed his hair back to usual.

“Why can’t I shake this feeling off my chest, then? Like you’re off to somewhere else? You’re near but it feels like I’m a lot of ways behind you.”

“What are you saying? I’d feel crazy guilty for leaving you.”

He was right. While we had our neverending list of differences, one thing we bonded on was our feelings of inferiority towards our group. I knew fine would’ve been perfectly alright without me. Masking these emotions with delusions of grandeur, I silently battled this by myself without a knight to lean on.

He seems to have overcome it by now, though. I slowly despised him for that.

A deep breath was all I could hear as I watched the sun resign its role in this early-evening stage we perform on.

“Besides, that’s more of a reason to practice, right? I’ve been improving a lot with unit work… I even take part in making choreography now! Doubts only stall actions. The entire Knights are in your hands.”

In an attempt to lighten the mood, I grabbed his hand pulling him towards the spacious area we stand on. I lead him to dance to keep him moving, immediately followed by laughs and the usual teases.

Like a hot, bright spotlight, the moon shone down on us. The darkness quickly consumed the night.


---
It’s been two years since high school graduation. Multiple springs have passed, and one more is quickly coming by.

Another school year is over.

A big sigh was all I could let out as I looked out the window. This time, I had promised to make time for myself and finally go out after being cooped up in my room all this time.

Even with being a shut-in, lots of things around me have changed. Yuzuru doesn’t bother me as much anymore. I guess he finally figured out that I like being independent in certain situations, or maybe it’s just because I’ve grown up.

We’ve also been moving houses a lot but I never really asked why. I just went along with it. I thought changes in scenery would help me forget. It seemed to work, I guess.

Everyone still kept in touch with me, though. I learned Ensemble Square still operates the same way it did before, but fine has disbanded. Eichi-sama continued to focus on leading the organization and Hibiki-senpai is still amazing in his acting endeavors, all while still doing idol activities with each other under a new name.

I am partially the one to blame for that, and while everyone kept reassuring me that I didn’t do anything wrong… I still can’t help thinking that way. Seeing Yuzuru every day is enough of a reminder.

Putting on the biggest coat I could find, I started moving.

The row of trees I passed by swayed their leaves with the cool breeze… almost like a sea of fans cheering for me, celebrating the first time I left the house in a while. This wave of nostalgia continued on as I let my feet take me anywhere.

I let my mind wander again.

College has made me forget memories that I was fairly certain would prove important for myself. Even the reason I left everything behind is a blur now. All I can remember is how happy and warm I felt back then as I stood on the stage we performed on.

My instinct led me to go to a park nearby Yumenosaki. I used to go here when I needed a moment of break, kind of like a secret base. I guess old habits don’t die off easily.

My body shivered as a familiar voice filled the quiet.

Of all the times to bump into him, it just had to be this day. I had almost forgotten what I was avoiding.

I looked up and I saw him… slightly different but it was still him. Meanwhile, my appearance is stuck in time, unable to move forward.

“You wear glasses now?”

My eyes blurred. I fought the tears back in. The last thing I’d want him to see is to make it look like I’m regretting the decision I’ve made.

“It’s… been a long time.”

I adjusted my glasses and looked away.

Now that I see him face-to-face, it’s almost like these memories are fighting to reappear. Like the bubbles of exhaling in the final moments of a drowning person.

Maybe that’s just what I want to believe. I still remember my goodbyes clearly, however.

My classmates were surprised, but fine saw it coming. Eichi-sama, whom I admired after all these years, was the one who sent me off to him. He knew that you were the last person I wanted to approach.

We were backstage at one of his performances and I had to pull him aside to tell him quickly.

“Is this… really the path you want to push towards?”

“Yeah. Seems like my parents fail to see me as the idol I thought I was, after all.”

I never thought lying would be so upsetting, yet so satisfying. It didn’t seem to phase him, though.

“I see.”

His underwhelming reaction was unexpected. I was confused about what exactly I wanted to feel at that moment.

I wanted him to beg for me to stay. I wanted him to ask why. I wanted him to ditch the performance and stay with me.

At the same time, I figured that this was a good way to end it. Going on would only make farewells hurt.

I stood there frozen, unable to speak, as these selfish thoughts filled within me.

Our conversation was cut short as the buzzer signaled that the show is about to start. Telling it to him removed the agonizing feeling I’ve suffered all these years, but I was suddenly left empty with nothing to fill that hole with.

I watched him perform for the last time in the darkness. The spotlight shined on him brightly as he sang.

“This... loneliness, I'll carry it as I walk along”

It resonated with complete grief.


---
“I’ve been well—the usual. Lots of schoolwork, of course, but I’m getting by!”

I tried to reply with the happiest tone I could pull off, which immediately reminded me of how fan meets went during my idol activities. I didn’t know what to feel as soon as I registered this thought.

“That’s great…”

He answered energetically, almost like he’s mimicking me. Putting down the bag he was carrying, he sat down beside me.

Silence filled the air again. This feeling seemed familiar. I felt the chills at the back of my neck as a sudden wave of deja vu hit me.

This afternoon was surprisingly warm, however. The clouds gave way to the sun which lit up the wide field that we were on. You could hear people in the distance but no one can be seen… like the final moments of a play where everyone’s leaving the theater.

I let out a sigh while I scramble to find the right words to say.



Did you come alone?

Is Knights doing OK?

Have you eaten?

What brought you here?

How have you been?


It’s been two years since high school graduation. Two long years since we last spoke, trying to ignore and forget.

I know how much he must hate me right now. I left him alone to fulfill my selfish wishes, finding an escape from everything I’ve had up until then. In the process of doing so, I had to give him up.

I silently whispered to God. I closed my eyes and wished hard for time to stop just for a few minutes so I could glance over him again.

Grant me this, and nothing else.

For a second, the trees stopped moving. I was hopeful.

The distant voices ceased to exist and I didn’t hear anyone but myself. God existed just to grant this very wish, so I gathered the courage to turn and finally met him.

What faced me was a crying boy looking directly at me.

Seeing him eye-to-eye again, I got to observe him up close. His weary eyes glistened as time continued to move again. His hair still is thoroughly kempt as ever, with the color of a day-old rose. The Knights unit outfit looked like it was slightly altered… it’s not as heavy as I used to remember it anymore. Of all the sights that I’ve encountered under the spring sky, I never thought this one would send me back to the day I met you.

“I missed you.”

His voice broke.

“I… I came back here every day hoping that I’d meet you. Nobody knows where you’ve been… so I waited. I guess today’s my lucky day, huh?”

He forced out a chuckle, which tore me down even more. All the questions I’ve been meaning to ask flew out of my mind.

Words wouldn’t justify the intensity of what I felt, so I leaned in to hug him as close as I could… making sure that he’s here with me.

This is all I needed. You were all I needed.

Another spring is coming… but this time, you’re here.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

My eyes finally gave up. Like a bubble that couldn’t wait to burst, a sudden change in the wind’s direction was all it took. I’ve always had shallow tears but I couldn’t help but put up a strong front for him. I wanted to—No, I’ll always be his knight… as ridiculous as that sounds.

I thought I’d be able to get over you if I just kept on fooling myself that you hated me for leaving. Somehow, I wished you never cared now.

“This hurts… I’m blaming myself all over again.”

My thoughts started spilling out of my mouth. I held him even tighter. I wish I could never let go.

“I’m here now.”

I slowly lost my grip and moved back. I looked at him one more time.

Like the feeling of seeing the unit that pushed me to be an idol for the first time on TV… a kid who found a quarter in the laundry bag… a pirate who struck gold… I found myself awestruck.

“I guess I can say I’m finally way ahead of you… an idol you can be proud of.”

With a proud look on his face, I couldn’t help but smile.


---
I wanted a way out. It felt suffocating to be with him who's always been improving. Meanwhile, every effort I put into something seems so useless in the presence of people who are much more talented than I am.

“No matter what I do, it doesn’t feel like it matters.”

“...But only you could pull off the things you do best, though?”

He was right, but I didn’t want to listen. I guess I never really got rid of this stubbornness. I’ll keep my word and finish what I started, is what I promised him.

“Let’s meet again in two years.”

“I’ll meet you at your graduation.”

The walk back home was cold. I had to give him the coat I wore out because he started sneezing. He still doesn’t know how to take care of himself… that guy.

It’s a bother but, at least, I get another reason to meet him again.

Those years without him felt like forever. Now, I feel like it will just pass by quickly.

In two years’ time, I’ll be something that he’ll be proud of.


---
I was forced to wake up early today to be introduced to certain people whom my parents think would help with my high school decisions.

They finally let me get into an idol school after months of trying to talk them into it. The first stop is a school named Yumenosaki Private Academy.

Among others, I really liked this school’s uniform… and it’s the home of my favorite unit, after all! I just decided to go with the current plan so I could see how the different schools in the industry perform.



After roaming around the school, I decided to go with Yuzuru to a nearby shop to get something to eat. On the way, there was a big field of what I assumed was a park. One thing that stood out among the greenery was a small kid, maybe about my age, sitting with his arms covered around his legs. He looked hurt, so I approached.

“A-are you okay?”

I asked but the reply I got was small hops of breath. He’s been crying for who knows how long.

“I… I lost m-my parents. I don’t know w-where they went.”

He struggled to utter those words. Closely looking at him, he seemed to wear the same quality of fabrics that my clothes are made of. I noticed his lavender eyes that were tender all over from excessive rubbing. His hair, colored like the lollipops that tinted your lips red, was neatly combed and parted to the middle. I almost laughed at how ridiculous he was styled—not his fault, of course.

“I’ll stay with you.”

I sat next to him as I signaled Yuzuru to go back to the school, informing everyone of the situation.

Moments passed, I heard him once again but in a different tone. A friendly, yet polite manner… very evident that he’s a kid of a well-off family, just like myself.

“May I know what your name is?”

“Tori. What about you?”

“Tsukasa… Would it be okay to call you Tori-kun?”

“That’s fine. I’ll call you Tsukasa, then.”

The conversation was abruptly stopped by people calling us. They seem to have figured out where your parents were. We jumped up from our seats, approaching them as fast as we could. Yuzuru later told me that he knew who this pitiful kid was.

“Thank you, Tori-kun.”

His voice filled the silence now in a proud manner.


---
220102
Thank you so much for reading!
I hope it's not that noticeable that I rushed the last part.
Merry Christmas, Alli!
Thank you for this year.

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yatora

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